I hope not. You see 3-month-old Johnny’s bald little head. You see me holding him. I am nursing. Wearing a nursing tank underneath my shirt, and my scarf is helping as an extra cover. Clearly I’m comfortable with this photo, seeing as I am sharing this photo. But are other people uncomfortable with it?

If so, I’m wondering if people are uncomfortable with the idea of breastfeeing in general — not if they can see a mother’s bare boob.

To those who suggest a nursing baby could just take a bottle: Not all of them are physically able. First, there’s a prime time for a baby to be introduced to the bottle, and if they miss it, it becomes much harder for the baby to learn how. I missed the window with both kids.

Secondly, some children have physical difficulties with bottles. Vivienne was born with a moderate-strong tongue-tie. Nursing was difficult for her, but she quickly adapted. But, she wasn’t able to take a bottle. Babies do a different motion from bottle to breast, and she couldn’t get a bottle to work. She had tongue-tie surgery at 3 months but by that point it was too late for her to learn how to take it. Even at 12m, she cannot do a bottle but we are working with her to take a sippy cup.

Also, the girl has no teeth. She eats some solids and baby mush, but lots of her nutrition still comes from me.

I’m not about to just stay hidden and indoors out of the public until she no longer nurses. I think that’s reasonable, right?

At the same time, know that I DO take care to not flash anyone while I’m nursing. If it’s a crowded area and I know she’ll be really distractable, I’ll go to a quieter area. In cooler weather, I usually have a scarf and that can help as a cover. I always wear a nursing tank to keep my belly covered. And I try to position my body so that no one will see when she latches or unlatches.

I’d really prefer to not nurse in a public restroom. It’s impractical (no chairs…and I am NOT sitting on a toilet to nurse!). A dressing room, sure. Especially if I’m with my 3-year-old and want to keep him corralled.

But if I also want to just sit on the floor in the women’s clothing section at Target and nurse real quick, I’m gunna. The law is on my side. I’ll try hard not to flash you, but give me a little space and don’t stare at my boob. Feel free to make eye contact with me, though. You can talk to me, too. I’m not usually uncomfortable, though I recognize that many people aren’t comfortable with nursing mothers.

It’s my hope that by the time my daughter is a mother, nursing moms will be everywhere and it won’t cause a second look because it’s so common.

If you still do not like the thought of nursing mothers, consider the benefit to you. Yes, YOU have a benefit when mothers breastfeed their children. Healthcare costs go down. Way down. Mothers and babies are healthier. There’s about a thousand other benefits.

1.5 MILLION babies die each year because they are not breastfed. If a mom felt more comfortable nursing around others, that would likely encourage her to breastfeed in the first place, and nurse for a longer stretch of time. 1.5 million deaths is more than the amount of people who lived in the city of Indianapolis.

Most of these deaths are worldwide, but still, 911 babies in the United States die each year because they weren’t breastfed. That could be your sister’s baby. Your friend’s. Your neighbor’s. YOUR baby. What if those babies’ mothers had the support they needed, not just from medical breastfeeding resources but from the general public? What if they received the message that breastfeeding is encouraged, and not just behind closed doors?

Between my children, I’ve been breastfeeding for 2.5 years. My own risk of several types of cancers has dramatically dropped simply because I’m nursing. My own children’s risk of various cancers and diseases are down. Put in another way, if I used formula for 2.5 years, my risk of cancer would go UP. Their risk of cancer and other illness would also increase.

It’s time the American people as a whole say, “enough!” Enough with the babies dying. Enough with mothers having no support when they want to breastfeed. Enough with mothers being shamed into hiding.

Related: See this fabulous post about the nurse-in controversy.

So what that I can’t have pumpkin pie right now? Bummer, yes. But there are worse things and me whining isn’t so pleasant.

I’m looking at the Udi bread, btw, and it doesn’t look legal for me right now. Egg whites. Pooh. Also, the ingredient list just says “yeast” and I’m not sure which kind it is, but possibly baker’s, which I can’t have.

Whateverrr.

The nutritionist got back to me and told me there is a soy-free, dairy-free “butter” I can try and find by Earth Balance. Yeah! Not sure if they have it at Trader Joe’s, but I was *just* there so it will have to wait until I’m there again, unless I can find it somewhere else.

Also, she told me that if I did cheat, that would set me waaay back. I’d have to start all over. Not worth it! See, this is different from a weight-loss diet. You probably can cheat a little here and there for weight loss (maybe?). But I’m trying to heal my gut, and there’s a different process going on.

Oh, and she loaned me the GAPS book and I’m reading through it. I really don’t know if I can hack GAPS. I need grains! (Or do I?) Either way, the diet I’m currently on is at least a gradual step toward something more extreme, if need be.

Butter, cheese, and eggs are the foods I miss the most. Eggs are in so many foods, and if I could use eggs I could bake with coconut flour much easier. I have an egg substitute but it’s just not the same. Butter, because mmm butter. A baked potato without butter and sour cream is just sad. Oh, and sour cream. Miss that for atop potatoes or tacos. Cheese was always a yummy snack and topping for so much. Arg!

I don’t really miss drinking cow’s milk though. I used to guzzle the stuff by the gallon, but lately it just does not sound appealing to me. I accidentally had a sip of some (and spit it out!) and it just tasted really bad to me. Almond milk took a little adjustment, but I like it now (certain brands, anyway).

I have absolutely lost weight, though I don’t know how much since I don’t have a scale. My jeans that fit fairly recently are now falling off of me. I’m fitting into jeans that I thought I’d never wear again — tiny pre-Johnny jeans. What! I am not in a place where I need to lose weight right now, so I’m trying to make sure I eat enough though it’s pretty hard given my limitations. I do not feel hungry, though. My sugar cravings are gone.

I’m eating a lot of meat and veggies. Thankfully, I can still have other grains and starches, so I’ve enjoyed rice, quinoa and corn-based things such as tortillas.

The fake substitutes of things don’t do much for my palate. I do not like the fake safe cheeses such as Daiya. Don’t like the “safe” bread I tried, which was based on tapioca flour (and I forget what else is in it). Just…ugh. If I can’t have the real thing, then I don’t want a fake alternative.

What I’ve noticed most is how I perceive flavor. I’m a little concerned that I went and broke my tastebuds. Things don’t taste amazing anymore. I used to make some of my favorite comfort foods (or buy them at a restaurant) and just think “wow this is the yummiest thing ever.” Lately, nothing tastes delicious. Things are edible, sure, but nothing to write home about.

Maybe I just have a sweet tooth and dessert-type things will do the trick for me. Maybe when I can have chocolate again it’ll be all better. Or maybe a big steaming bowl of Panera mac & cheese and some french onion soup (previously my favorites!).

Or MAYBE I need to go on a fancy cruise again. Everything on our Holland America cruise was delicious.

Not sure what is up with all that.

Next week is Thanksgiving and that’s kind of a bummer since I won’t officially be off my diet yet. I suppose I could cheat a little but why undo all of my progress if I don’t have to? I’ll be able to eat plenty of meat, any strictly veggie sides (though honestly if there’s a little butter in something I might eat it anyway), and I’ll make some side dishes that I can eat, so I can load up on those things if I’m left with few other options. And probably take a bunch of LARABARS in the van just in case. I’m going to check with the nutritionist to see what she thinks about me cheating just a little. heh.

Let’s end this update on a good note. I do feel different and better for making these dietary changes. I absolutely think this whole thing was worthwhile. Most of the time, I’m totally fine with what I can eat. It’s just…Thanksgiving is a big day of dairy and wheat and eggs and all the stuff I can’t have, and bummer! And restaurants are really, really hard. I thought I could eat a salad at Wendy’s. It had pecans, so…safe, right? YEAH until they went and ruined them by putting all kinds of stuff in their coating, including 3 things I wasn’t allowed to have. Jerks.

There was a time when I tried to squeeze her into some of her size 18m khaki pants. Could barely get them past her thighs and when she was in them, they were so tight she couldn’t bend or sit. Now, they fit her fine. Glad I held onto them.

We were in Bloomington on Sunday for a little while, and on the way back Shane stopped at CVS to pick up a snack. We waiting in the car for him. Johnny wondered what he was buying.

“Maybe he’s getting….a……banana? NOoooooooooo. Maybe it’s a…….cheeseburger?? NOOOOOOOO!! Maybe it’s a…………… WATER TOWER!??!?! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe it’s a ….RACE CAR? Nooo!!!! Maybe he’s getting….a HOUSE!!!? Nooooooo! Maybe he’s getting TWO HOUSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

He just kept getting sillier and more hysterical with each new thing he’d come up with, and he was cracking himself up at the absurdity of his dad getting any of those things at CVS. The silliness of him getting a house at CVS was almost too funny for him to even say, but then TWO HOUSES would be double the silliness, so that’s what he went with. Haha! Love that little goober.

Oh, as for what he really bought? Prunes. EXCITING DRIED PLUMS!!!!!!!!!!

More likely, she didn’t want to fall down and get a bonk.

But today at a playdate (!), she stood a lot more while holding a toy with two hands so she could get a better look.

Tonight, she took 5-6 steps toward Shane. Yay!

She has taken a half or two steps before but it was not really intentional. I think she still prefers crawling because it’s so much faster and less dangerous for her, but I’m glad she is taking some steps.

She is 9 days away from being 11 months old, so this is roughly the same age that Johnny started to walk. I think he has her beat by a week or two. That’s ok, Vivie — just get potty-trained way sooner and we’ll call it fair. K? kthx.

Also in Vivie news, she likes to wave “hi” and sorta says it. If I say “hi!” she starts waving. It’s entertaining.

I know some people love the newborn stage, but truthfully that stage kicks my butt. I really enjoy toddlers. Keep it coming, baby girl!

- Vitamin D supplement (my blood level was very low, and I expect I’ll need to make sure to supplement through winter and then maybe I can just use sunlight and my regular vitamin next summer?)
- A probiotic pill to restore healthy bacteria to my gut. Bacteria. Flora. Yummy.
- Cod liver oil. Flavored in strawberry. Um, strawberry-flavored fish isn’t tasty, but I gulp it down and chase it with water. When this bottle is out, I’ll look into getting the fermented cod liver stuff, since it’s supposed to be even better for you.
- A whole foods based multivitamin. I had recently run out of another whole foods vitamin made by New Chapter, but that one contained soy. This one is safe and is made from food rather than synthetically made. I don’t know if it’s hype, but it makes sense to me that a foods-based vitamin would be much easier absorbed by the body.
- A calcium supplement that also contains magnesium, which is important. This stuff tastes decent, too. Don’t know if this was my best pick for a calcium supplement, but I like it.

Whoosh. In addition to that, I’m trying to make sure I drink plenty of water. Sometimes I forget. No good.

I’m also drinking tea, which has dandelion leaves, nettles, and burdock root. All are ok for breastfeeding mothers (of course, double-check me if you are nursing and want this tea) and they are supposed to help kidney function, clean the body, and just supply lots of good nutrients and stuff.

It hasn’t even been a full week with me avoiding my sensitive foods list (wheat, gluten, soy, dairy, eggs, baker’s yeast) and I’m already feeling different. Those foods really were screwing with me, and I had no idea! No digestive upset or anything tell-tale to suggest I had a food issue.

Getting off the refined sugars and wheat was trying, but once I got past the initial hurdle my cravings went away and I even sat by a bowl full of chocolate and wasn’t tempted to cheat.

My 30-days will be up near Thanksgiving and I might cheat just a little — maybe something that has cheese in it or something. I dunno. I also have time to come up with some recipes of Kacie-safe foods that are also appealing to other people.

I’m eating a lot of meat and fish, as well as produce. It’s helpful that I can still have other grains, so I’ve enjoyed gluten-free oats (soaked for better digestion) and quinoa and rice.

I’ve experienced a little bit of what I think is a “healing crisis” or Herxheimer Reaction, that is when you remove certain foods and your body is able to clean out and detox, sometimes your body is pushing those old toxins through your system faster than your body can eliminate them.

I’ve never to my knowledge had eczema, but I now have a rash on one of my hands. My skin is also pretty dry there, so it could be coincidence.

I’m going to keep up with my fluids and take it easy and hope it all clears up soon.

That’s what I get for telling people that she slept for a big long stretch. Probably had nothing to do with anything I did or didn’t do. Whateverrrr kthxbai

It is going a LOT better than I expected. The first full day stunk. I was ok for parts, but I hit a few hours where I was feeling stabby and crabby and just wanted a cookie or seven and a glass of milk. I got through it, thanks to some distraction and good suggestions from my friends Susan and Beth.

Day 2 went really well and I was already starting to feel…different. Not sure how to really describe it. And now we’re on Day 3.

I’m optimistic for the next 30 days, now that I seem to have gotten past the big cravings and I have a plan to work with.

The other thing that wants me to keep on plugging away — and this could be a coincidence — but Vivienne slept for 12 hours last night. What.

It could be because she’s coming out of a growth spurt, or because her cold is starting to finally go away, or because she actually ate a solid dinner (she had split pea soup with the rest of us and said mmm for every bite). Could be that she’s finally getting old enough to hack it.

Perhaps it has nothing to do with my diet. But the timing of it all makes me wonder.

I don’t know if she has sensitivities herself to the foods on my ban list, or if perhaps she was reacting to the immune response in my own body…I don’t know.

She may not sleep for that long again for awhile. She still is toothless, after all, and teething can throw sleep out the window.

But still. Wow. I didn’t get a big stretch like that with Johnny until he was I think 17 months. And speaking of Johnny, he did wake me up last night so I didn’t get a totally uninterrupted night’s sleep myself.

But still. Wow. I’m optimistic for the future!

together a post sharing some of the projects we’d like to do in our house someday, as budget and inspiration allows.

I would like to identify some low-cost, but high-impact changes I can do in the next few months. I’d also like to price out some of our more expensive projects so we can prioritize and have a target for our savings.

Here are some things that I’d like to finish by spring:

Laundry room:

- Paint! Scuffed walls make it look like a really beat-up room. Not sure on color. The room has no windows. I’d like a cheerful color, so maybe a yellow? Yellow seems to be a difficult color to put on walls well, so I’m not totally sure.
- Shelves. I think we might already own some shelves that we could hang in this room but I need to measure to be sure. We *need* a place to organize our stuff. The laundry room feeds into the garage, and this is where we come in and out of the house. Perhaps a few hooks for coats, a place to put shoes as we kick them off, and maybe a shelf to hold things that need to go out, such as library books or paperwork or who knows. I need to figure out my exact storage solution.
- Perhaps baskets or something to organize the cleaning supplies on the exposed shelf above the washer/dryer.
- The flooring is scuffed and not attractive, but it works and I don’t think it’s crucial that we do anything for it any time soon. It is a laundry room, after all.

Half bath:

This is the only toilet room on our first floor and so it is used frequently.

- Paint! Turns out, the “paint” on the walls right now is just dark-tinted primer. It looks kinda silly. Shane tried to touch up some dings with the leftovers in the garage, and it doesn’t blend well. It’s not supposed to. It’s PRIMER. He likes the dark color so we’ll try and find a similar paint color and make it nice and finished.
- Wall decor — I think I can do this inexpensively. I have a few photographs that I’d like to use from when we were in Alaska several years ago on our honeymoon. Get those prints and some frames for ‘em, and tada.
- Basket for atop the commode to hold toilet paper and maybe a book to flip through for if I need to hide away for a few minutes. lolz.
- Maybe a candle or a pretty knick-knack for the countertop. Nothing expensive, but just a finishing touch.
- Probably a new floor mat, since the one we have is a shade of blue that doesn’t really go with anything, but that could change depending on the wall color we choose.

Office:

Really looking forward to finishing this room so we can actually use it! Right now, we just have a bookshelf, lamp and some pictures in there. So bare. So much potential!

- Computer desk and chair
- Cozy reading chair
- Possibly a small table to go next to the reading chair
- Area rug, perhaps 8×10 feet, to go on top of the laminate to really finish off the room

Play room:

This room is pretty well set actually, but there are a few more tweaks I’d like to do to make it an even more inviting place for the kids.

- Foam floor covering thing so it’s not just them and the laminate. Not so cozy.
- A cozy, toddler-sized pair of chairs/bean bag/floor pillow
- Maybe a magnet board or something at the wall. I don’t think I’d want to do a chalkboard at this age — too messy.
- Some wall art. Perhaps I can put some of their own creations on the wall!

Family room:

- Slip cover for pink rocker/recliner. Probably tan or brown.
- Stuff to make the mantel look finished. Probably a mirror, maybe a small clock, and other decorative things.
- End table and lamp
- Flat screen TV? I dunno. Maybe not.

Master bedroom:

King size bed. Definitely. I wish a good bed wasn’t so expensive, but when you are on it for as many hours as people sleep, then I guess it makes sense to have a good one.

Also want to paint in here. Two walls are an intense shade of red. I really need a calmer color for my bedroom! Not sure which color yet.

There’s more rooms and more projects that need attention, but this post is getting long. These projects can hopefully be tackled within the next year, in addition to whatever maintenance issues crop up.

Vivienne is growing so well. She goes in to the doctor at the end of the month for a checkup, so I don’t know her stats. She’s filling out her 18m clothing and some 24m clothing works, but she can also cram into some 12m sweaters and things.

I’m starting up with cloth diapers part-time again just for the cost savings. I don’t *love* cloth diapers. I don’t love any type of diaper. I’m over diapers. Go in the potty already, kids! But she has a long way to go before that happens, so we might as well save whatever money we can.

She’s now in size 6 diapers, as the 5s were getting to be a really tight squeeze and I’d often break tabs when trying to stretch it around her :/. So bummer, because there are fewer diapers as you go up in size, but for the same price. Johnny moved up to size 6 as well, though I think he could probably stay in 5s for awhile actually. Good grief.

She crawl-runs sometimes. I can’t believe the speed she has. She keeps on cruising around furniture and sometimes she lets go and just stands there. Last week or so, she let go of the ottoman and lifted both arms above her head, like “look at me!”. Couldn’t believe it. Did it right in front of my grandma.

She can stand on her own for 5-10 seconds with pretty good balance, but she doesn’t seem to feel comfortable with that right now. She realizes she’s not being supported by anything, and then she slowly lowers herself to the ground. She’s anti-bonk, I guess. She’s starting to push around Johnny’s big ride-on train and walking behind it.

I don’t know if we’ll see her start to walk on her own soon or not. She may wait until she has more confidence. I don’t know. What’s the rush, anyway? It will be nice for her to be able to stand and walk along though, rather than carrying her everywhere. Heavy lil thing.

She’s eating solids much better now. I know there are some really young babies who can handle solids fine, but for her it took quite awhile. She still gags sometimes but it’s less common. She doesn’t seem to like being fed mush, though. She starts yelling. I think she likes to do it herself, so we’ve been giving her soft things and she just gets what she can in her mouth.

Still no teeth yet, so it’s pretty funny to watch her mush things around with her little jaw.

She’s such a smiley, happy baby and when she meets someone new, she’s often happy to see them — that is, unless they try to hold her right away. Viv is now at the separation anxiety stage and she may not want to be in unfamiliar arms. It’ll pass.

I’m working on the “nurse” baby sign with her. She’s starting to get the motion so when she does it, I nurse immediately to help her make that connection. I do the sign just before and right when I begin to feed her and maybe soon enough it’ll be a lasting connection. Once she gets that, I’ll probably add a few others, such as “eat” and “drink” (other than nursing) and who knows what else.

She’s been waking up a lot in the past few nights. I think it might be a growth spurt or something, maybe teething? Seems like she usually sleeps most of the night, but I’m not really sure because it seems like at least one kid is up during the night. Hopefully we’ll start to get into a new routine in our house and everyone will sleep better.

Mr. Johnny is just a hoot. The other day, out of nowhere, he tells Shane, “I am a sweetheart.” Yep! He’s enjoying new opportunities to play with other little kids. We’ve been going to park meetups, and there are kids at my Bible study and we might join MOPS.

He’s been having a hard time following directions lately. It’s pure disobedience, I think, rather than a lack of hearing or lack of understanding. Gotta nip that one in the bud.

We aren’t working really hard on the potty-training stuff right now, but we are sort of. He understands peeing in the potty and needs reminders to go, and that’s great! Still working up the confidence to do the other thing on the potty. He goes and hides to do that instead. Ugh. I really hope we can get him to do that on the toilet soon. Gross.

He seems to have a pretty good sense of direction when we’re out driving and can recognize the routes I usually take. If I turn somewhere else, he immediately wants to know what’s up. He recognizes our street from a little ways away and knows where his house is (that’s important!) and his great-grandma’s house, and various stores and where Shane works and Trader Joe’s and on and on. I hope that later, it’ll translate to a good sense of direction in general.

He’d been giving up his nap lately, but that usually meant bad behavior later in the evening. I decided that I can’t just have him up all the ding dong day without a quiet time. I need a little break too. So we’re having an enforced quiet hour where he can be in his room and reading books or playing quietly. I don’t care if he falls asleep, though he certainly can. He just has to be in there, and quiet. Vivienne is napping now in her room, which is why I finally have time to do a little blogging.

And now, I’m on to other things while it’s quiet hour. Adios!