Worrying about dumb things
I need to start out by telling you that what I’m about to say is the dumbest thing ever. I’m embarrassed to publish this post. But, I’m gunna anyway–cuz sometimes having a blog is about writing dumb/embarrassing things for the world (or your mom, grandma, friends and strangers) to see.
I don’t want to be vain. Usually, I don’t care how I look. Typically, I don’t have issues with my body image. I know my top priority should be to be as healthy as I can be, so that my baby is also healthy. Yet, ridiculous thoughts keep creeping back into my mind.
I’m not excited about looking fat. There. I said it.
More like, I’m really dreading looking fat.
I have no problem with actually looking pregnant with a round belly. It’s the in-between phase that I’m worried about. I don’t want to look really thick around the middle (or wherever else) for a month or two before I start rounding out.
I don’t even understand why I care, seeing as I know less than a handful of people in Pittsburgh anyway, and I really don’t think they’d judge me. Shane keeps assuring me that I’ll be beautiful no matter what, and I won’t look fat, and to please stop talking about looking fat, because it’s silly.
I think this is just a battle between me and my mirror.
A few of my friends have told me that I’ll be such a cute pregnant lady. They predict I’ll have a little baby bump and then look like I ate a basketball. Cute, yah? It could end up that way, but I keep having dreams/bad thoughts where I puff up like the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
I should mention that I’m eating well and I’m NOT avoiding food (unless it would make me feel barfy). I’m not trying to avoid gaining weight; rather, I know I’m supposed to gain 25-30 pounds and I’m not afraid of the numbers on the scale creeping up.
In a way, I think it’s easier to concern myself with the silly matters (like my appearance) rather than worry about more serious things such as, “Will my baby be healthy? Will he/she like me? Will I be a good mom? Where will my baby be born!?”
Yes. Thinking about the horrors of looking chubby to a bunch of people in Pittsburgh that I don’t even know seems a lot better than worrying about real things.
I mean, good grief, last week I thought I was having a miscarriage for crying out loud! And this week, I’m all like, “Meep! I don’t want to look fat.” So stupid.
Whatever. I’m being so ridiculous right now. It won’t be long before something happens to my midsection. I’m going to do my best to accept it, appreciate it, and get over myself.
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With you being small and fit already, you wont have a problem with looking fat unless you go hog wild and eat everything you see!
I’ve never seen a skinny person look fat at all during pregnancy, it’s normally those of us who are “average” and already have a belly that look fat for a few months.
I’m sure you’ll be adorable!
Kacie,
You are feeling completely normal so don’t feel bad at all about how you are feeling. The first few months are hard because regular clothes are tight, while maternity clothes don’t really fit. And it’s summer so it’s not as easy to hide under some bulky sweaters and jeans.
Hang in there! It does get better.
Erins last blog post..Help the Frugal Failure (Pretty Please with a Cherry on Top?)
I had the same worries – you’re not being stupid at all! It’s NOT EASY to watch your body go through all these changes and know it’s necessary for the baby. It helped me to focus on the miracle that was taking place AND to remind myself that my body shape was under the baby’s control for just 9 months and then I could work at getting trim again.
My second is just 6 weeks old right now and my midwife just cleared me to be as vigorous as I want to be with exercise or anything! Look out, baby flab!
Don’t stress out about getting fat during pregnancy. I know that’s hard to do–I did. As long as you eat healthily (with a little splurg or two here and there for baby) and stay reasonably active, you should be fine. It’s when you decide to eat entire cakes (like my mom did) and a plethora of junk that things go crazy. In the meantime just try to dress through those in-between times. Wear empire waisted tops and maternity pants with stretch in the back and buttons in the front to make you feel less tight.
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