Is this a secret blog? Anyone out there?
Does anyone read here? I dunno. I took this page off my navigation bar on my main blog, and now I can’t add it back. So now, this is my SECRET blog and I can tell you secrets.
Between you and me, I’m just not motivated to do much blogging these days. I’ve written on my main blog for 4.5 years and part of me just doesn’t care about the money topic anymore. Part of me wants to keep on going, because I know a few people have really benefited. Part of me has moved on, and I bet that’s obvious to long-time readers.
Blogging takes a lot of time, but it also takes a lot of my mental energy. So I’m easing up a bit on my main blog.
The income over there is drying up faster than nothin’ but in a way, it’s a blessing. I don’t need the money right now, though I did like it while it was there. It’s making less pressure on me to keep with it, so that’s positive.
I thought about starting another blog. The topic would be homeschooling. I’ve written a few posts to try to find my blogging voice in that niche, but so far it’s not really there.
That could be because I have really little kids and I’m not exactly homeschooling yet. Still, I’m not sending them to preschool so eventually we will have more things to write about.
I just don’t know if I want to blog about it or not. I don’t want to do an activity or read a book for the blog’s sake. I don’t want to construct our days based on creating blog content. I see that happening. I don’t know if I’m ready to put myself out there like that. I’m ready to tell you all about our money, but my own kids? I just feel more vulnerable with that.
I would like a log of our activities, photos and my thought process along the way but there’s nothing that says I need to publish it. I just don’t know of a medium that would be easy to update for me, but private.
I look at some preschool homeschool blogs and I’m overwhelmed. I am NOT an arts-and-crafts, lapbookin’, complicated lesson kinda gal. I don’t want this phase to be stressful. I want it to be fun. It’s supposed to be fun at this age.
So do I blog about it? What do I add to that online community? How would it benefit my family? I just don’t know.
Offer me some perspective, people of the internet who know about this personal blog of mine.
I hope this nursing photo doesn’t offend
In light of the recent Target nurse-in stuff, and the people of the internet who say it is immodest for a mom to nurse her child anywhere except at home, in a bathroom, in a dressing room…I’ve gotta ask. Does this picture offend you?
I hope not. You see 3-month-old Johnny’s bald little head. You see me holding him. I am nursing. Wearing a nursing tank underneath my shirt, and my scarf is helping as an extra cover. Clearly I’m comfortable with this photo, seeing as I am sharing this photo. But are other people uncomfortable with it?
If so, I’m wondering if people are uncomfortable with the idea of breastfeeing in general — not if they can see a mother’s bare boob.
To those who suggest a nursing baby could just take a bottle: Not all of them are physically able. First, there’s a prime time for a baby to be introduced to the bottle, and if they miss it, it becomes much harder for the baby to learn how. I missed the window with both kids.
Secondly, some children have physical difficulties with bottles. Vivienne was born with a moderate-strong tongue-tie. Nursing was difficult for her, but she quickly adapted. But, she wasn’t able to take a bottle. Babies do a different motion from bottle to breast, and she couldn’t get a bottle to work. She had tongue-tie surgery at 3 months but by that point it was too late for her to learn how to take it. Even at 12m, she cannot do a bottle but we are working with her to take a sippy cup.
Also, the girl has no teeth. She eats some solids and baby mush, but lots of her nutrition still comes from me.
I’m not about to just stay hidden and indoors out of the public until she no longer nurses. I think that’s reasonable, right?
At the same time, know that I DO take care to not flash anyone while I’m nursing. If it’s a crowded area and I know she’ll be really distractable, I’ll go to a quieter area. In cooler weather, I usually have a scarf and that can help as a cover. I always wear a nursing tank to keep my belly covered. And I try to position my body so that no one will see when she latches or unlatches.
I’d really prefer to not nurse in a public restroom. It’s impractical (no chairs…and I am NOT sitting on a toilet to nurse!). A dressing room, sure. Especially if I’m with my 3-year-old and want to keep him corralled.
But if I also want to just sit on the floor in the women’s clothing section at Target and nurse real quick, I’m gunna. The law is on my side. I’ll try hard not to flash you, but give me a little space and don’t stare at my boob. Feel free to make eye contact with me, though. You can talk to me, too. I’m not usually uncomfortable, though I recognize that many people aren’t comfortable with nursing mothers.
It’s my hope that by the time my daughter is a mother, nursing moms will be everywhere and it won’t cause a second look because it’s so common.
If you still do not like the thought of nursing mothers, consider the benefit to you. Yes, YOU have a benefit when mothers breastfeed their children. Healthcare costs go down. Way down. Mothers and babies are healthier. There’s about a thousand other benefits.
1.5 MILLION babies die each year because they are not breastfed. If a mom felt more comfortable nursing around others, that would likely encourage her to breastfeed in the first place, and nurse for a longer stretch of time. 1.5 million deaths is more than the amount of people who lived in the city of Indianapolis.
Most of these deaths are worldwide, but still, 911 babies in the United States die each year because they weren’t breastfed. That could be your sister’s baby. Your friend’s. Your neighbor’s. YOUR baby. What if those babies’ mothers had the support they needed, not just from medical breastfeeding resources but from the general public? What if they received the message that breastfeeding is encouraged, and not just behind closed doors?
Between my children, I’ve been breastfeeding for 2.5 years. My own risk of several types of cancers has dramatically dropped simply because I’m nursing. My own children’s risk of various cancers and diseases are down. Put in another way, if I used formula for 2.5 years, my risk of cancer would go UP. Their risk of cancer and other illness would also increase.
It’s time the American people as a whole say, “enough!” Enough with the babies dying. Enough with mothers having no support when they want to breastfeed. Enough with mothers being shamed into hiding.
Related: See this fabulous post about the nurse-in controversy.
I should stop griping
At least I can eat food. At least I can eat lots of yummy things (thank you, Trader Joe’s!!). At least I have access to safe, sanitary cooking conditions and nutritious foods, and I can afford to spend what it takes right now. I am really fortunate. Some people can’t eat at all and need to have their nutrition pumped in a feeding tube. Or some people don’t have enough money to buy basic nutritious foods.
So what that I can’t have pumpkin pie right now? Bummer, yes. But there are worse things and me whining isn’t so pleasant.
I’m looking at the Udi bread, btw, and it doesn’t look legal for me right now. Egg whites. Pooh. Also, the ingredient list just says “yeast” and I’m not sure which kind it is, but possibly baker’s, which I can’t have.
Whateverrr.
The nutritionist got back to me and told me there is a soy-free, dairy-free “butter” I can try and find by Earth Balance. Yeah! Not sure if they have it at Trader Joe’s, but I was *just* there so it will have to wait until I’m there again, unless I can find it somewhere else.
Also, she told me that if I did cheat, that would set me waaay back. I’d have to start all over. Not worth it! See, this is different from a weight-loss diet. You probably can cheat a little here and there for weight loss (maybe?). But I’m trying to heal my gut, and there’s a different process going on.
Oh, and she loaned me the GAPS book and I’m reading through it. I really don’t know if I can hack GAPS. I need grains! (Or do I?) Either way, the diet I’m currently on is at least a gradual step toward something more extreme, if need be.
3 weeks into my diet
I am 3 weeks into my diet — avoiding wheat, gluten, soy, eggs, dairy, and baker’s yeast. I can start to reintroduce foods very soon. My next appointment is on the 28th, so about a week and a half and I can start adding things back.
Butter, cheese, and eggs are the foods I miss the most. Eggs are in so many foods, and if I could use eggs I could bake with coconut flour much easier. I have an egg substitute but it’s just not the same. Butter, because mmm butter. A baked potato without butter and sour cream is just sad. Oh, and sour cream. Miss that for atop potatoes or tacos. Cheese was always a yummy snack and topping for so much. Arg!
I don’t really miss drinking cow’s milk though. I used to guzzle the stuff by the gallon, but lately it just does not sound appealing to me. I accidentally had a sip of some (and spit it out!) and it just tasted really bad to me. Almond milk took a little adjustment, but I like it now (certain brands, anyway).
I have absolutely lost weight, though I don’t know how much since I don’t have a scale. My jeans that fit fairly recently are now falling off of me. I’m fitting into jeans that I thought I’d never wear again — tiny pre-Johnny jeans. What! I am not in a place where I need to lose weight right now, so I’m trying to make sure I eat enough though it’s pretty hard given my limitations. I do not feel hungry, though. My sugar cravings are gone.
I’m eating a lot of meat and veggies. Thankfully, I can still have other grains and starches, so I’ve enjoyed rice, quinoa and corn-based things such as tortillas.
The fake substitutes of things don’t do much for my palate. I do not like the fake safe cheeses such as Daiya. Don’t like the “safe” bread I tried, which was based on tapioca flour (and I forget what else is in it). Just…ugh. If I can’t have the real thing, then I don’t want a fake alternative.
What I’ve noticed most is how I perceive flavor. I’m a little concerned that I went and broke my tastebuds. Things don’t taste amazing anymore. I used to make some of my favorite comfort foods (or buy them at a restaurant) and just think “wow this is the yummiest thing ever.” Lately, nothing tastes delicious. Things are edible, sure, but nothing to write home about.
Maybe I just have a sweet tooth and dessert-type things will do the trick for me. Maybe when I can have chocolate again it’ll be all better. Or maybe a big steaming bowl of Panera mac & cheese and some french onion soup (previously my favorites!).
Or MAYBE I need to go on a fancy cruise again. Everything on our Holland America cruise was delicious.
Not sure what is up with all that.
Next week is Thanksgiving and that’s kind of a bummer since I won’t officially be off my diet yet. I suppose I could cheat a little but why undo all of my progress if I don’t have to? I’ll be able to eat plenty of meat, any strictly veggie sides (though honestly if there’s a little butter in something I might eat it anyway), and I’ll make some side dishes that I can eat, so I can load up on those things if I’m left with few other options. And probably take a bunch of LARABARS in the van just in case. I’m going to check with the nutritionist to see what she thinks about me cheating just a little. heh.
Let’s end this update on a good note. I do feel different and better for making these dietary changes. I absolutely think this whole thing was worthwhile. Most of the time, I’m totally fine with what I can eat. It’s just…Thanksgiving is a big day of dairy and wheat and eggs and all the stuff I can’t have, and bummer! And restaurants are really, really hard. I thought I could eat a salad at Wendy’s. It had pecans, so…safe, right? YEAH until they went and ruined them by putting all kinds of stuff in their coating, including 3 things I wasn’t allowed to have. Jerks.
Moving down in diaper sizes (?)
I didn’t know this was possible, but I’ve moved Vivienne down two diaper sizes! She is now in a 4. It is a big snug and the sides of it are questionable on her. Probably will have to go back to 5s soon. But my goodness, you get so many more diapers in the smaller sizes than you do for the 6s! She really did stretch out. I don’t think she lost weight, but I do think there was a bit of weight redistribution.
There was a time when I tried to squeeze her into some of her size 18m khaki pants. Could barely get them past her thighs and when she was in them, they were so tight she couldn’t bend or sit. Now, they fit her fine. Glad I held onto them.
We were in Bloomington on Sunday for a little while, and on the way back Shane stopped at CVS to pick up a snack. We waiting in the car for him. Johnny wondered what he was buying.
“Maybe he’s getting….a……banana? NOoooooooooo. Maybe it’s a…….cheeseburger?? NOOOOOOOO!! Maybe it’s a…………… WATER TOWER!??!?! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe it’s a ….RACE CAR? Nooo!!!! Maybe he’s getting….a HOUSE!!!? Nooooooo! Maybe he’s getting TWO HOUSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
He just kept getting sillier and more hysterical with each new thing he’d come up with, and he was cracking himself up at the absurdity of his dad getting any of those things at CVS. The silliness of him getting a house at CVS was almost too funny for him to even say, but then TWO HOUSES would be double the silliness, so that’s what he went with. Haha! Love that little goober.
Oh, as for what he really bought? Prunes. EXCITING DRIED PLUMS!!!!!!!!!!
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