Guest post: Have the “Money Talk” Before Marriage
Ah, a Saturday in June. I’m sure many couples are getting married today, or are celebrating anniversaries. Whether you’re engaged or married, it’s important to talk about finances with your significant other. Here’s one guest blogger’s take on having the “money talk” before marriage.
Miranda Marquit edits information on debt consolidation for DestroyDebt.com.
You probably already know that one of the leading causes of divorce is money. Fights over who controls the money, the stress of not having enough money and worries about how money is spent are all factors that lead to trouble in a marriage. And because there are different money styles, it is important that you talk about money before you get married.
Setting the tone for the money talk
If you are worried that strong feelings may be involved, it can help to have a mediator. You should both agree to keep your voices level, and agree not to attack each other for decisions and mistakes made in the past. Agree to hear the other person out. Try to use “I” language instead of “you” language. This is an exchange of ideas, and a starting point to see where you coincide and differ in your views about money.
Points of discussion for the money talk
It can help to have an agenda of sorts before you start to talk things out. It will keep you on the subject, and help you cover the essential points. You can also take notes on the agenda. Here are some ideas for points of discussion:
- Division of resources. The first thing you need to discuss is how you want to divvy up the income. My husband and I just share everything. But that doesn’t work for everyone. Some have separate accounts, with a method of each partner contributing to the bills. Some work out discretionary “allowances.” The toughest situation is if you decide that one of you will stay at home. Realize the person staying at home has the right to equal input about money. The partner taking care of home and children is doing hard, important work. In any case, the important thing is to work out an agreement that you can both live with.
- Debt. You should both be completely honest about your debt. Put it all out there. If it’s outstanding, your future spouse should know about it. Do not judge your partner for his or her debts. After you have established everyone’s debt load, you need to work out a plan to pay it off. How you view the division of resources can help you in this case. You also need to discuss what you think are valid reasons to go into debt, and how soon you are comfortable paying debt off.
- Saving. Discuss how you want to save money. Talk about retirement accounts, emergency funds and savings goals. Do you have the same goals? What goals can you make together going forward? Determine how much you want to set aside each paycheck for future needs.
- Donations. Talk about charitable giving. This includes church donations and tithes. Some like to give generously, while others are more concerned with saving the money. You need to come to an agreement as to what percentage — if any — of your income should go to worthy causes.
- Children. If neither of you has kids yet, you do not need to go into great detail. However, you should get an idea of what sorts of things you will pay for on behalf of your children. Talk about how you feel about an allowance. Discuss college funding options (my husband and I have agreed that we will help our son with living and other expenses if he takes care of tuition). If one or both of you already has kids, this portion of the discussion will be lengthy and involved. But it is necessary to lay down clear ground rules.
Talking about money now, before you get married, can help you avoid many pitfalls that can lead to divorce. At the very least, though, it gives you a foundation upon which to build.
Additional related posts:
2 Responses
to “Guest post: Have the “Money Talk” Before Marriage”
1 Trackback(s)
- Jul 14, 2008: When to talk about finances with your significant other? | Sense to Save
Very useful guest post. I remember I made a similar post about How to avoid Money from Destroying your Marriage. I just hope I made the correct code here.
Anyway, I just to add one more thing.
Never blame your spouse for some misspending. Instead, talk about it in a civil way to avoid further misunderstanding. What is more important is the solution how it will not happen again.
Lastly, I think I am missing your Entrecard widget. I hope you did not remove it from your blog because I am one of your readers and not a plain dropper.
Thanks.
guardian angel’s last blog post..About Fixed and Changing Parenting Tips